K-VILLE (PILOT, EPISODE 2)

Pilots suck. All of them, with the exception of My So-Called Life's (and that show went for 19 episodes), are the weakest outings of a show’s freshman season. The writer has to introduce all of the characters, the world, the rules of the world, and oh, yeah, there has to be some kind of plot.
So I waited until there were two episodes of K-Ville recorded in sweet Moxie, then watched both so I could see the show’s take on post Katrina New Orleans. If he's got any real insight into the situation I will forgive a number of Voodoo plotlines. ‘Cause we all know how the Yankees like some Voodoo in their Bayou.

I’m going to type as I watch, to give you guys the experience of sitting next to me in the couch as I gripe at the screen.

…You’re welcome.
Here it goes…

PILOT

New Orleans. Everything’s flooded. Cops in motorboats, rescuing people. They’ve intercut archival footage with close-ups of the cast on the bridge, masking it pretty well with overlaps in sound and one composite shot. They’re probably a little shakier on hand held than they’d like to be because of it, but the imagery of the wides is priceless, so it’s more than a fair trade. Impressive opening sequence – especially because though television writing is in a golden age, visually it is oftentimes unimaginative. Most TV directors are afraid of the wide shot, and that’s a shame, because it’s only in the wides that the audience can get a true sense of the geography of the world of the show. (And their relationship to it.) If you’re only going to shoot mediums and close-ups, you might as well be on a set.

**Since my interest in K-Ville is only in its interaction with New Orleans, I’ve decided not to recap the procedural elements of the show unless they are relevant to the depiction of the city or are really really funny.**
Title card : Two years later. No more skip bleach. There’s some graffiti on a wall which reads “Welcome to K-Ville.” Okay, has anyone ever heard of people calling N.O. “K-Ville”? Because I haven’t, and while I can see some dude writing it on a wall as a joke, I have a hard time believing it’s the new “Big Easy”.
We’re at main cop’s house, which is of course in the 9th Ward. Before Katrina, Hollywood thought there were only two neighborhoods in New Orleans: the French Quarter and the Garden District. Now there are three. The cop’s name is Marlin. Interesting choice, Marlin’s mom.
A singer drives up in a fly ride she blew two FEMA checks on. Marlin gives her a lecture on money management because Marlin is all up in everyone else’s business. Incidentally I wonder what Marlin would think of my little brother’s choice of spending his FEMA checks (which, WRITERS, were FEMA debit cards, do your research!!) on alcohol. He was in law school at the time and spent all his money on booze, but I’m certain Marlin would not approve. He’d probably want my little brother to give it to the poor or something. But then who would pay his bar tab, Marlin? WHO?!!

Anyway, frivolous singer informs Marlin that more people from the neighborhood are moving out of the city, a fact which we know all too well. He’s pissed.

Cut to some weirdo white dude we’ve all seen in a million movies like Sweet Home Alabama and Tigerland so dubious Southern accent alert starts sounding in our collective conscious. Turns out in this world he’s from Cincinnati. Take that, Midwesterners. He’s also a war vet with Issues.

It’s around this point that the writing sort of gets to me. Steph warned that the dialog sounds as though the writer was guessing how the locals spoke rather than actually getting the dialect right. So I was prepared for the bad. But wow, is it bad. It’s incredibly clunky, and that’s frustrating because it doesn’t have to be that way. They shoot in New Orleans. The actors must know what they’re saying doesn’t sound right. I understand that the room (the Writer’s Room) isn’t in the city, and that probably none of the writers are from New Orleans or even from the South at all, but hell, buy a record, buy a book, ask someone from the South to read your dialog out loud. Be responsible, for Christ’s sake. Friday Night Lights shows us that it’s possible to get regional dialect exactly right, and it’s not like every single FNL writer is rocking an East Texas driver’s license. (Of course the accents on that show are Beaumont by way of Burbank, but that’s to be expected.)

Okay, back to our show. Looks like Cincinnati is a recovering alcoholic. There’s some plot involving a shooting in the French Quarter. Hey, the Casino! Remember when it was going to revitalize the city’s economy? Good times…
Later that night, we meet the fam and learn that Marlin’s wife and daughter live in Atlanta. Sad. His daughter is still afraid of storms. The idea of this is sadder than the execution, but...I'm really sorry anyway, Marlin. His wife is very pretty and his daughter is cute. Good casting there.

Jackson Square, night. More shots fired.
Tourists.
Okay, crime sucks in the city right now but it’s not like this. What I mean to say is this is not the character of the situation as we know it. I think a more interesting drama could have been constructed using the facts on the ground. Instead they’ve made a mid-nineties cop show w/ better pyro in a post Katrina setting.
…and I bet that’s exactly how they sold it…

Here’s a good scene from the show:
It’s night. Marlin and his wife are at home. Kid’s asleep upstairs. Suddenly the little girl is screaming from her bedroom. Water streams down the staircase. Marlin runs up, bursting into her room. It’s filling with water. Everything’s chaos. He scoops her up, runs down the stairs, and they all flee into the night. I thought this was a dream sequence until they got outside. But then we see a hose going up to the little girl’s bedroom window and an address scrawled in spray paint on the house’s outer wall. It’s their address in Atlanta. Damn, that’s good. Just when you think there’s no reason for these people to have jobs they pull this out. Nice one, guys. That’s scary as all hell.

I appreciate all the Louisiana themed commercials playing during the breaks as well as the product placement of local businesses during the show. Unfortunately they probably won’t be able to enjoy the exposure much longer. Oh, at the end of the episode, we discover that Cincinnati used to be a criminal and is actually from New Orleans. Dammit. I guess we’re gonna hear that accent after all.

Pilot Breakdown:
# of Strong Black Women:1
# of Hep Jazzcats: 3
# of Voodoo Hexes 1
# of White Men in White Suits: 0
# of Southern Belles: 1
# of appearances or references to Gumbo (or other regionally specific dishes): 3
# of unnecessary trips on a swamp: 1
# of times a non-tourist neighborhood was depicted, still in shambles: 2
#times we learn Interesting Facts About K-Ville: 6

EPISODE 2

Forget the plot. What’s the point?
Previously on K-Ville: Cincinnati used to be a criminal. This may hamper his copliness. Now : In the station. He has flashbacks of his Life of Crime. I wonder if we’ll see anyone we know in the background as a featured extra? That would be cool. Great stunt work in this episode.
This show has very long first acts – it’s almost ten minutes before we get to the credits. But hey, Tim Minear is a consulting producer on this show now. I’m going to start holding it to a much higher standard.

Featured in this episode:
-- Prison Guard with Cool Hand Luke Guard’s Sunglasses.
-- Corrupt prison owner named “Deville” (The process in the Room on that one:
A: We need a name.
B: He’s evil, right?
A: Totally evil. Like, the evilest.
B: What’s evil?...
-- Symbolic push in two shot of our heroes with the American flag in the background, transitioning to a slow fade out. Funnier than The Patriot, if you can believe it.
-- The episode ends with a slo-mo medium two shot of our guys walking toward camera. The last frame…
…is a freeze frame.

Episode 2 Breakdown:
# of Strong Black Women:1
# of Hep Jazzcats:1
# of Voodoo Hexes: 0
# of White Men in White Suits: 0
# of Southern Belles: 3
# of appearances or references to Gumbo (or other regionally specific food): 1
# of unnecessary trips on a swamp: 0
# of times a non-tourist neighborhood was depicted, still in shambles: 1


OVERALL ANALYSIS OF K-VILLE:
Best stuff – exterior location shooting. Our home state is something else.
Worst stuff – The actual show is pretty awful.